Funny things

[billyboy]

Whats the funniest thing you came across while driving.
Back around 1970 iws slowly picking my way south through fog (hated driving in fog)
A commer 2 ton walk through van came barreling down the side of at a fair rate of knots blowing his horn as he went.
I though "what a pillock"
a short while later i came to my slip road and climbed up the deceleration ramp.
Low and behold there was the van, Smack in the center of the new traffic island
right up to his axles in the soft ground.
Just had to blow my horn and wave to him.
He responded with two fingers so i guess it must have been the second time he had done that...LOL

[G-CPTN]

Tommy Timpson was stopped by Police in a check whilst driving his 10 ton Thames Trader at teatime on a Tuesday from Tewkesbury to Tiverton.
Plod asked Tommy what he was carrying and Tommy replied "toilet tissue for Trevor Thompson".
Plod then asked Tommy Timpson why he was travelling at teatime in his 10 ton Thames Trader from Tewkesbury transporting toilet tissue for Trevor Thompson at Tiverton on a Tuesday and Tommy replied "because they are our sole agents."

[billyboy]

ever had one of those days towards the end of a busy week of multiple delivery,s to awkward places?...you feel knackered and are driving on autopilot when something catches your eye that alerts you to take a second look?
Like I was leaving London on the M1, that nice long flat straight stretch alongside the railway line before the service area. Looking up the road ahead i spot something grey that didnt seem quite right. A second look identified as a morris 1000 estimated to be doing a good 40mph in the overtaking lane....Headed south! Everyone behind me was flashing lights at it but it continued on its way oblivious. the lady driving looked like she had three pillows behind her back. the other lady in the passenger seat had one of those Jawas that kept going slowly up and down as she stared at the oncoming headlights. think she was trying to tell the driver "We must be late, they are all comming back"

[Fina]

I was driving a 32 ton tanker with 5000 gls of derv on board, it was for a bus garage
at Garston, N Watford. It was thick fog and poor visability. It must have been my lucky day. I was crawling a long and came behind a empty bus which said, Garston depot
on the back, so i followed. About 10 min later it turned left, I followed and imediatly
was met by very bright lights, I was in the bus depot with about five cars behind me.
.It gave a couple of drivers a laugh.
Barney.

[billyboy]

ha ha ha! great stuff. keep em comming lads

[Mandator]

I was on my way into Lindsey Oil Refinery at Killingholme.I had an "M" reg Mandator and 6600 gall tank and was going in for a load of white spirit.One of Caledonian Road Services passed me with Volvo F86 artic and cut me up.When I got to the loading point he was in front of me so I was going to have a "word".Good job I was only just getting out of my wagon as I would have been covered in white spirit as it came gushing out of his front compartment.He had selected 5000 litres on the meter but white spirit was still metered in galls - the last product to await conversion.There was a notice to this effect posted next to the pump on/off buttons.
You can't get 5000 galls into a 1100 gall pot!
Mind you ,he had a nice clean wagon.

[billyboy]

I did a bit of work for a vehicle recovery company at one time. They had aquired a 4x4 ex army fire engine. it was all automatic with a V8 rover petrol engine. This was to be the answere to go anywhere vehicles. I got a call one day to park up my Iveco and get the 4X4 out as there was a car stolen and dumped minus wheels in a soft field. Spare wheel were fitted. the 4x4 enters the scene now. we hook up a towing cable and give the driver the signal to start pulling. up come the revs and she moves forward with the car dutifuly following behind. as it gets to the soft bit the growling of the engine continue but the forward motion changed to a downward motion as it dug itself in up to the axles. had a hell of a game getting it out using two winches. It was converted to a perkins diesel and put up for sale after that. So much for go anywhere vehicles

[billyboy]

Remember an older driver chatting to us in transport digs one evening.
He said "never pick up hitch hikers" he went on to say "one dark night i was driving down the A5, It was a bit misty, I spotted a smart looking lady thumbing so I stopped to pick her up. As I drove down the road I was aware of her staring at me, She said she was a witch...I just laughed it off...thens she leaned across the engine cover and started stroking my upper thigh... that was when it happened...I turned into a lay by!

He caught us all with that one...LOL

[Engineeral]

Told me by a driver:
Q: (In North America) many truckers have their names painted on the side of their rigs. Why do they do that?
A: So they know which truck to get into! (Alternate: So they know which side to get into!)

[Engineeral]

Little boy talking to a cowboy:
Why do you wear a big hat like that?
That's to keep the sun off me when I am riding all day drivin' the cattle.
Why do you wear a kerchief like that?
That's so I can cover my mouth and nose from the dust the cattle stir up.
Why do you wear those leather things on your legs?
Those are called chaps. They protect my legs from branches and thorns when I have to ride through the brush.
Why do you wear those running shoes?
That's so no-one thinks I'm a truck driver!